38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
