If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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