Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
