I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My bed smells like the plague
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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