YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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