i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
