i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
