ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
