I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
