But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
