Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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