where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
