I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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