i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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