this beer tastes like vomit already
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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