I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
