After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
