Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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