well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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