yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
