did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
