What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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