I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
