For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
