I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
