$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
