Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
