Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
