If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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