dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
