To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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