You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
