the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
