Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
