im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
