Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
