just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
