we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
