If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
