I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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