Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
