if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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