just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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