my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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