i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Congratulations! We have a period
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