So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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