i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
