Church boner. Awkwardddd
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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