I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
