are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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