How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
