Sober January is a disaster.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Houston, we have a squirter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
