Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
